January is National Mentoring Month! Seeing this reminded me that it might be a good time to share some of the lessons I’ve learned being a mentor. I’ve had the privilege and honor to work with USC/UC Irvine students directly with one-on-one meetings as well as helping organize mentorship programs at the Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences and Global Connect @ UCI.
Some of these opportunities were just happy accidents of someone seeing some potential in me while others came through my own searches. What I did ultimately discover is that not only am I passionate in helping/teaching others, I at least have some good experiences to share and wanted to give back much as I received from countless mentors growing up.
Here’s five quick lessons / tips I’ve learned from my experiences to hopefully you either as a mentor or even for a mentee looking to see what is going through the mind of a potential mentor:
1. Tell (or find) a good story.
I think the first lesson of a great mentor/mentee relationship is to have a good, relatable story in your back pocket ready to tell. What should this story exactly be? This example will obviously change a bit depending on your mentee’s needs and wants, but in my experience, I try to tell a story from my work experience that helps to a.) give a sense of who I am and what I do; b.) to help be somewhat relatable to my mentee and c.) to be entertaining and ease the first meeting. Not only are most mentees looking for assistance for their future career / journey but also trying to connect (whether intentionally or unintentionally).
Have trouble finding a story? That’s okay! Utilize your network and your colleagues here to help fill in the gaps. It sounds like cheating, but think of it this way — without you being the intermediary, how would your mentee ever have found this contact and this story?
2. Not every mentorship is the perfect fit.
Much like any relationship, not everyone is the best fit — even if there was an application process involved. There is only so much we can reveal without meeting the other person face-to-face, and although most of your mentorship experiences are probably going to go great, it really sucks when you hit one where you and your mentee don’t connect at all. I think that as long as you try your best and still try to help the mentee as much as you can, you shouldn’t have any regrets from a not-so-great experience.
I remember mulling over my first failed experience at USC — a great student with the right resume, but we just didn’t click and my experiences only could help so much. I still tried my best to connect her with strong contacts and answering as many questions as I could, but it wasn’t until after our partnership was over that I was able to come to terms on the improper fit. Instead of dwelling on the past, I wrote down the lessons of what I could do better for my future mentees.
3. Don’t let age hold you back.
This point may cause some disagreement, but I truly believe there is a mentor available to nearly all types of people, young and old and from all walks of life. For instance, some older mentors have much more to offer in terms of experience examples and a wide, diverse network. Younger mentors on the other hand can be more relatable and less intimidating with help in terms of next steps and what’s relevant in their industry.
I mention this point because I do think some feel that age can be an intimidating non-starter to be a mentor, and I think that’s the wrong approach. I started ‘properly’ mentoring when I was 25 years old (and much younger if you consider other opportunities like being a Boy Scout leader and being a clarinet section leader). Yes, it was super intimidating, and I had to constantly remind myself that I was properly chosen. The end result, though, was a wonderful mentor/mentee experience that helped me to grow more in confidence as well as style.
4. Listen as much (and perhaps more than) you advise.
I think one of the first mistakes I made as a young mentor was that I felt like I had to fill up all the dead space with something, so I talked and yakked a lot. Granted, I’m still a blabber, but the biggest difference is that I ask more questions and take time (whether through mental or physical notes) on exactly the direction my mentee would like to take things. Does your mentee want more help in networking? Or perhaps it’s more in public speaking? Is your mentee confused about a few career decisions?
It sounds utterly simple, but I think that we as mentors forget to take a few steps back and walk with your mentee rather than sprint. Even if your mentee somehow deters the pre-plan you have in your head (which is useful to have), you usually have time to adjust and take into account your mentee’s needs to make sure it’s a great experience for them.
5. Food is one of the best ice breakers.
I’m biased because I LOVE food, but I’ve seen this work so well in action and seen implemented from nearly all of my past mentors. Not only do you have something interesting/wonderful in front of both of you to talk about; your stomach will be satisfied as much as your mental state. And this isn’t just limited to food. Tea, boba, ice cream, eggs, Korean BBQ — you name it; you can make a great point to bond with your mentee over it.
My Global Connect mentor, Ellen, always made it a point to prepare a feast for all of her mentees whether at her place or at El Torito. And plus she taught me the most valuable lesson of all — to always save room for dessert. Not only was my stomach overly full in a comatose state — it brought good memories, good cheers and great lessons to be told over the dinner table.
I’m always interested in hearing from other mentors (and mentees) on your best practices and experiences, so please feel free to send a DM / comment or if you have any questions about my experiences/programs that I can help inform you about. Until next time! -@jwie86
